An Introduction

This morning, I woke up, stumbled around to find my glasses, took a drink of tepid water, and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. During this process, I felt a strange sensation of having done exactly the same actions, in the exact same way, several times before. This was beyond déjà vu; it was more like I was reliving yesterday morning all over again, with the entire day and night that followed completely blurred out. Actually, it’s seemed like all of my days in lockdown have blurred into a single yet repeating moment of waking up and stumbling out of bed. I began to panic at the thought that I was not doing anything meaningful in my day to even warrant memory. So I decided to start a blog.  

Just kidding, that’s not really what has led to this moment. Also, please don’t be alarmed, because I will not be (only) writing about vapid events such as waking up in the morning. Rather, my aim here is to document my thoughts in hopes of generating feedback and dialogue with, really, anyone who happens to read, but particularly with those in the Western classical music field who have felt/are feeling a little unsure, a little lost, and perhaps a little different from the prevalent expectations of a classical musician. 

I am a Chinese-American pianist, currently on lockdown in London during the Covid-19 pandemic, with an upright piano in my bedroom and a recently-completed interdisciplinary doctorate in music performance/linguistics/cultural studies. And I have always felt ‘a little different’.  

This blog will be a platform for me to share my thoughts, experiences, and bring to light certain challenges that I’ve struggled with along my journey as a doctoral researcher, as well as classical musician. The topics I’d like to discuss stem from personal experience, but hopefully they can create some resonance among readers, regardless of field and background, and generate dialogue and a sense of community. I would very much like to learn from other perspectives while sharing my own. 

Especially during these unique circumstances, it is impossible not to acknowledge the change that is happening to us and everyone around us. Plans, careers, lives, futures, dreams – everything is potentially affected and I have found myself reaching out to others now more than ever. I am a believer in the power of vulnerability to connect, to relate strangers to each other over a bittersweet melody, an exhilarating dive out of an airplane, or yes, even in the presence of tragedy. Maybe that’s why I find it easier to communicate with people now, because we all share this moment of great vulnerability. We all have an understanding, and we don’t really need to explain ourselves when we reach out to long lost friends, or give essential workers a deep and sincere ‘thank you’, or say, ‘take care’ to complete strangers.

I have debated over the idea of starting a blog for a while now, having always harboured scepticism towards social media and online sharing in general (thoughts that I will ironically share in a future blog post). Recently, I have been feeling the urge to share in a way that feels most comfortable: through writing. I’ve had many thoughts, most of which are strange but perhaps also interesting. I welcome you into my world, and would be happy and privileged if you would share some of yours with me. Also cat videos; please share those, too.